Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Blog Woman behind the mask

Hello there! That’s me…sitting on my porch swing, taking a selfie with the ‘pretty filter’ on Snapchat. Observe carefully, please. What do you see? I’ll give you a minute to form your opinions…

Are you ready for this? Care if I expose myself? That picture is me, trying so hard to put on my happy face for those of you who know me and believe I am happy ALL.THE.TIME. Truth be told…some days I’m just not. Raise your hand if you know what I’m talking about.

ME: Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

THE DEVIL IN MY HEAD: Not you, you loser! You are old. You are wrinkled. Your teeth are icky. What is up with those stupid sagging eyelids? Bag…baggy eyes, old woman. Stop frowning, moron. You can’t do anything right. You are so dumb for saying that. Suck it up, loser.

That is the ugly, scary monster I hear in my head sometimes. And, frankly…I am sick and tired of it. Just when I believe I’m deep in a pit that will imprison me forever, along comes a song that tells me I’m priceless…irreplaceable, unmistakably, incomparably beautiful. Thank you, for King and Country for throwing me a rope and rescuing me from that pit of lies!

Mistakes. I mess up a lot. Failure. I fail at meeting everyone’s expectations. Can you relate?

It seems I am always saying sorry to someone for something. Sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you out of the email. Sorry, I didn’t mean to give him the mint. Sorry, I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to encourage student voice. Sorry, I didn’t think I was talking out of both sides of my mouth. Sorry, I forgot to invite you. Sorry, I am not happy all the time. Sorry, I didn’t mean to forget to call you back. Sorry, sorry, SORRY!!!

Mistake after mistake and failure after failure makes me ponder what my purpose really is? Thank you, Mandisa, for reminding me. It’s because I’m not perfect, but God loves me anyway. God is still working on making me a masterpiece. I’m going to celebrate the truth! His work in me isn’t through. I’m just unfinished.

Guilt. Such a dreadful word. It seems to consume me. When life hands me unfortunate situations, I feel guilty when I am sad because my circumstances aren’t anything compared to what others have gone through.

Others have it worse. I’ve never lost a spouse or a child, or suffered from cancer or any other severe disease of any kind. Yet, I have sad moments. Moments that crush my heart and make me sob uncontrollably. Then the guilt smothers me like dense fog because others have it worse and I have no right to be feeling this way.

A viscous cycle!

Well, it’s time to let go of the guilt and step into the light of God’s grace. It’s time to let go of the guilt, say goodbye to where I’ve been, and tell this heart of mine to beat again…minus the guilt. A new journey is just beginning. Thanks Danny Gokey for giving me permission to let my heart beat again.

Loneliness, sadness, weariness, rejection, insecurity, defeat, betrayal, guilt…feelings we don’t want to admit we experience. These feelings don’t have to control us though. Let’s choose to defeat them and rise above them. Let’s shut the door on yesterday and let’s rise!

Everyone has struggles. Music is the ministry to help me right now. I hope these tunes help you too. Tomorrow’s a new day. Hang in there with me, okay?

Stay Calm & Press On!
Profs Dr. C. & Dr. V.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s